We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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