i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You're a waste of cheezeits
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
