this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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