New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
