Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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