Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
if only i could text you this smell
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
