he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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