somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
