Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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