Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
