Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
