You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
