Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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