the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
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His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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