Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
