Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
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