the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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