My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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