I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
