wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Randomize