WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
