Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
