I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
