see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize