My nipple is on Facebook.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
i believe in u and ur pee
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
