theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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