I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
