Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
