I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
