i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
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I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
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You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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