According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
