i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
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