I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize