basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
