They should really pass out barf bags in church
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Randomize
