I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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