It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
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by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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