I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Randomize
