Plan B is the new Plan A
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
