i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
