we're chasing vodka with high fives
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
