Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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