I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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