Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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