I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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