Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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