Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
