Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
