He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
