i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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