quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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