i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Randomize
