She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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