So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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