Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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