the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
