Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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