Plan B is the new Plan A
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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