She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
