Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
