We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
