The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Randomize
