Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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