worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
