I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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