Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
