there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
false alarm. still invincible.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
