you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
