He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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