Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
